Contentment

For the last 4 months, I have been scared; scared of the unknown, afraid of not being able to handle what's to come. After accepting that God was testing me with a child of special needs, I began to pray. I prayed that God makes me content with what is to come. I prayed for peace and tranquility. And I prayed for a baby girl that would be the reason I thank God every day. After these prayers, I would still ask myself: "why me?". Why, out of so many people in this world, would God choose me to grant this child to. My question almost sounded like a complaint. I began reading and trying to mentally prepare myself for what was to come. A quote that struck me and one I shared with friends before she was born was a quote that read: "We ask God to cure our hardships without stopping to consider our hardships are curing us". To me, having a special needs child was a hardship. Yet today, 4 weeks into her birth and 4 weeks after God has shown me in many ways how she is truly curing me, I know why I was chosen. And instead of complaining, I thank God. Thank you God for choosing me to be her mother. The sense of peace and tranquility I get from simply being by her is unexplainable. Her presence in my life undoubtedly is a reason I will thank God every day for the rest of my life. She has built me in ways no one ever could. She has shown me the brave person I thought I never was. Each day, she makes me stronger, more patient, and teaches me lessons I could have never learned without her. And suddenly, each and every one of my prayers has been answered. Thank you God for choosing me and giving me the most precious gift: Maryam, the chosen one. 

[written on October 23, 2015]