When fear became hope

Sometimes what you fear most can become the best thing that ever happened to you. I get angry at myself when I remember my state after finding out the baby I was pregnant with had health issues. I was sad and couldn't understand why God would test me with a baby who would have special needs and long-term disabilities. I was shocked and frustrated, almost depressed. Many around me suggested abortion, saying I wouldn't be able to handle such a difficult life. I was in distress, so I prayed and asked for the best. I prayed that she become the reason we, my husband and I, enter paradise. I prayed that we are strong enough to take care of her in the best of ways. I prayed to become a mother that doesn't live for this world, but one that prepared for the next, the aakhira. Her birth, Maryam, would teach me countless lessons, lessons I thought I would never grasp, that never crossed my mind, and that would change me forever. She still teaches me each and every single day. I realize now that she was the answer to all my prayers. She makes me strong and helps me overcome my fears. She reminds me every day that this life is temporary. Sometimes, I wish every single mother could have a child like Maryam, so they can taste the same sweetness and see how many doors open through a baby with special needs. Some expecting parents may worry when finding out their baby has health issues because they didn't "sign up" for that. They want a healthy child like almost everyone else. But what if I told you that you are the lucky one. You are the one that will be blessed. You are the one that will come out stronger. You are the one that will realize how selfish your world once was. You will be happy and content. Trust God and He will handle your affairs. 

Doctors today have told me that they don't know how much longer Maryam's body will be able to tolerate her right lung being collapsed and with it causing other health issues. Her immune system has proven to be weak and keeps sending her back to the hospital for treatments. Hearing this breaks me like nothing else. And it's ironic that months ago I was in distress about her birth and now I'm in distress about her ever leaving. For that reason, I am taught a major life lesson. Maryam has taught me that if God gives it to you, then you can handle it, no matter what it may be. And the most important lesson so far is to never get attached to this world, because sooner or later, it ends. But the hereafter is real. As God says: "وَالْآخِرَةُ خَيْرٌ وَأَبْقَىٰ

The Hereafter is far greater and more everlasting."

No matter what faces you and I in this life, remind yourself that no one lives here forever. One day, we will all meet our Creator. Maryam is teaching me these lessons now and she is just 7 months of age. I pray that she only increases my faith in God and takes from her name like Mary the mother of Jesus, and overcomes any obstacle that comes her way because of her trust in the one and only, God. Ameen. 

Sometimes what you fear most can become the best thing that ever happened to you...

Be Grateful

If staying in the hospital with Maryam for over a month has taught me anything, it is to be grateful. Yes, she has health issues that keep coming up and every time we tackle one medical concern, another one arises. Yes, our family life has been somewhat unstable from sleeping in the hospital to taking my older daughter to different family members for them to watch her, to my husband not working much and to us not having a social life at all. Yes, we don't know what is to come with Maryam's health needs and when she can even leave hospital and come back home. But with all this going on, all we can say is alhamdulillah. All thanks to God for all the blessings we have. Our daughter is sick and has an extremely rare syndrome but she has a hospital close to home that is taking great care of her. She is in good hands. She is getting the necessary medical attention and that is all that matters. Sitting right by her bed in the hospital now, I can't help but think of how many mothers out there have sick children but no doctors or hospitals near by. People are fleeing countries just to get a chance at finding someone medically trained to help. Staying here has taught me how worldly our world has become. Sometimes we are so focused on living the perfect life, and having everything the way we want. My family in Maryam's first hospitalization slept in the hospital in her same room for 3 weeks and we were content. It made us realize that we have so much more than what we need in our every day life. When everything is the way we want and we have it all, it becomes hard to be grateful. But when things are unstable, you realize how selfish you once were. In my head when I hear mothers complain about how their babies are driving them insane because they won't take their naps, or that they made a huge mess at home, I almost laugh inside and want to tell them to be happy. Be happy your child is healthy and at home with you. Look at the bright side of things. I know while I write this now, someone has it much much harder than I do. And for that, I say alhamdulillah. Thank you God. Gratefulness is a beautiful thing.